Friday, December 24, 2010


I’ve become painfully aware of the tragic fact that Christmas has gotten shorter. No longer do I come home, dazzled by decorations and holiday music for the weeks in the run up to Dec. 25th. I was dazzled instead by how many different ways a person can get diarrhea.

There are A LOT. You might have diarrhea right now.

And then I head home, remembering that no Christmas shopping has been done, and there are no lights in front of the house a la Ebenezer scrooge. So to cram some christmas spirit deep down into my soul as quickly as possible, I turn on the Christmas carols and the television to see what other people are doing for the occasion around the nation. But, what I see on the television nowadays around this time of year begins to concern me more than put a song in my heart.

There was a TV special about oversized gingerbread houses made by Disney that require thousands of pounds of ingredients. My famished body said yes, but my mind said no, there are starving African children who would just love to lick that bowl. How dare you engage in that Christmas tradition with your family?

Another special was about outrageous Christmas displays put on by individuals across the countries. A few of them were competing with others in their neighborhood, but some did it out of the sheer love of the word EXTRAVAGANZAAA and, in the spirit of the season, the desire to give--little children their first epileptic seizure. Merry Christmas!

It used to be magic. Now, excess is the word du jour. This isn’t a “lets get back to the true meaning of Christmas” rant. Excess IS the true meaning of Christmas. There’s nothing we celebrate at Christmas that can’t be done year round, but this is the time to show it, and show it big…. And if you don’t? Well, Grinch isn’t such a nice nickname.

So here's to you and yours getting minor lacerations, crying over spilled egg nog, sweating more than santa going down a lit chimney, or otherwise going and above and beyond to make sure that your bells jingle louder than your neighbors'. Merry Christmas, all!

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